Birthday- 28th May

The day where a mother was in her biggest pain,using scearming and shouting to release the pain,there is even tears rolling from her eyes not cause of sadness but the pain. After hours of suffering,all have been break lose when they heard another soft sobbing.

Today, today was the day,a baby,a little daddy & mummy girl was born. Year by year as she grows up,more and more into a lady. As the year goes her parents love never end or die even for a min.

Till the day when she reach her 21th birthday. They know they will have to let her go and create her own world & learn about the world. With heavy hearted knowing their baby girl is all grown up to face the world. They swore to protect her with all they can when she was just a baby. And now they know that they will have to losses the oat that they made.

She know the hardship they been though just to made end meets. She also know how much she mean to them. Even though she reach 21th, but she will always be their little girl that will love them back as much as they have loved her.

Quietness - 26th May

Having a heavy hearted not as in saying good bye to anyone. Just the heavy heart of not even talking or moving for today. The sky is cloudy today after a morning shower from above. Maybe this is why I felt heavy maybe my heart was out playing and got itself wet by the weather this morning.

My morning was kinda cranky cause of a last min pop up of dont have a car to use. But it all fade away in awhile. Go on with life. It was quiet during the ride in the car with my baby brother cousin. We dont really talk much cause is morning. It only will be reopen at noon time for the talking. So the office was quiet for the whole morning while I stuck one of the earphone in my ear to distract me from the quietness.

I'm not good with quietness, I will intend to make things noisy but not today. Music and me goes along very well,they always keep me entertain so that I will not feel bored with my jobs.

Ocean

As the sky sync with the ocean everything look so blue & calm. The speed boat cut through the ocean wave swiftly as the wind flow in hitting on each of the passenger face. Everone head held high to enjoy the sea breeze. Yet for me, I enjoy the the view surrounded us. Everything that matter in the real world seem nothing matter anymore. See the green green tress,with the blue blue ocean water.

As I tint my head,there he was. Seeing his back facing me,just by looking at his back it make me feel safe & happy knowing he is always with me. Someone to lay on whenever I need him. He always make me feel like hiding under his arm,near to his big broad chest.But in the end I have chose to closing my eyes to feel the nature, it make things so much more easy & less complicated,cause things just goes with our heart lead us.

push through

so have cry and told dear about it have that day. during that night he got so mad cause i called after his basketball,is was a no no to call him after that cause he said before but i was so down i really wanna talk to him. but after telling i cry in the office his tone go different his become soft and wanna understand why im so sad. so we talk crap and abit of real feel. we hang on the phone till 1a,the next day was so freaking sleepy!! he went on half mc. hehehe. i feel bad cause of me he have not even sleep. :p

he ask me to go movie last night but it was cancel end up i rush all my way to JJ to sing k and celebrate mic birthday. have fun with him cause maybe just nice we both are in very good mood ba. i even get pamper abit from him indircetly.

after that we got into a small non yelling type of fight cause of him keep saying i dont trust him by right i did not even say something like this. so talk about and understand it. i gotta remember it by heart so that i will not reply the same mistake.

real feeling & thoughts

So it have been awhile I did not posted anything on my blog.
I have been lazy.

But lately things happen which I dont know what I'm suppose to do.
At first I got him angry cause of stupid things I said to him,which he was just being sweet giving me surprise by coming over my house to be with me.

But today, I brust out in the office. For the first time is about my personally stuff.
I done this crying thing in office before but is cause due to work.
But this time was not. obviously not.

I'm trying my best to change myself so that I could fit him also to be a better person.
But is hard,very hard. Till I kinda giving up.
I doing this for us,but I'm not sure does he even know or see about it.
I kinda dont believe myself I can be this way.

If last for me I dont even give a damn about it,I will say whatever I want to say.
But now I'm worry that he might not like it or even hate me for saying so.
So end up there is alot of stuff I would not dare to even tell him about.
Caus all I'm worry about is how he think of me & dump me.
I fall too hard this time. Till I'm scare that I get hurt like the past few time so I'm willing to do anything to make him stay. Sometime I even feel I have lost myself,just to please him.

It is no longer like last time when we first meet,we get to talk about anything & joking about stuff.
Now all I get is,can you not be like this. is inmature or childish.
i'm this girl right,playful,childish & crazy emo girl.
and all i can be now is always think serious think mature i cant be pamper.
actually i hate it. i love being pamper. i have been pamper for my whole life is what i live for.
i know i cant be pamper always or by anyone. i just need some from you just to know that hey,i love you that why i'm doing so.

your wall is getting harder to climb,is like the harder i become the higher it goes.
what is the use of having a gf which you dont tell things too?
what is the use of having a gf which you only share the angry & hate you have??
i wanna have a heart to heart talk to you.
i wanna let you know the real me instead of the becoming your wanna be gf.

i might look strong always.
but inside once in awhile i need a shoulder to cry on & just shut up listen to me & will tell everything is going to be okay.
not that when i trying to tell you something you will always end up saying i think too much or ddly too much or even being childish.
i hate this word!! at least please try to understand what i'm saying till you tell me this.
we have different life is for sure,but i love you that is why i'm making effort to understand you & change.

i know the feeling of being hurt. it really hurt & suck.
which i never wan to go through.
i really hoping that we can be each other last ones.
but i'm not sure what are your thoughts. (wishing it is thinking the same)

after all this crap i have write , one thing that i can be sure is i really love you.
like no others.
all i wan is just be with you.