Already a week. I told myself I gotta stop talking about it d. I try. But once I have nothing much to do and there is no one to talk to me. His image will appear. My heart still will be pounding up and down for just image. Today, I have told myself gotta stop. End up it is even worst. He came to the office!!
I only get to peak at him through the window. Is good enough to know he is doing good with what he is doing. Everyone told me he is not worth it. I understand he really dont worth my love anymore. But I'm still not yet ready to forget everything just like that. Wanna say I being clinging or what so ever. Is just that I'm have a very heavy heart to leave everything in the past yet.
Mami,lecture me last night. Saying he already treat me like dirty but I still treat him like a god. That is wrong. I really do understand what she is telling me.
But everything is really up to me I guess. If I give up,all this I guess will be a past & does not mean anything anymore. But if I dont give up, I will end up with this clinging,moody bitch!
ARGHH~~
Lately. Actually not that lately. It have been awhile that I not sure on what to do with my life.
I have lost of direction. I'm not sure why I'm here anymore. I just holding on to that I dont want my family get worry.
I hate this feeling of being this lost & keep wishing the world end faster.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Rest In Peace!
It has been day 3 without you around me. No doubt it is hard to forget you had even come into my life. But I have to forget you,to save myself some pride and ease myself some pain. I have to stand back up fast,people all around got worry for me. As I see you,there is not pain in you. I guess is a good thing. But for me this is just me. I will lay there not moving so I wouldnt feel the pain.
I wouldnt be there long, I have already start packing up the memories of us. Even though,the hard time I have with you which you never & will not know, there is the happy ones which cheers me up. I leave you with only footprint & a scar. I guess this scar will not be deeper than your last one, you dont feel much for me I guess for you to come to this decision. The scar you given me will be the deeper among my others. That is for true.
The love I have for you is insane till I feel that I'm not me. But I guess I'm just not the one who you should love and be with. So I will try to let you go but just your footprint & scars will stay with me. So far I'm seeing you are being better without me,so I'm guessing is a good start for you.
That why from the begining for all this I have told you, I hate FOREVER this words. You told me this words when you asked me to be your girlfriend. I took the word too hard. I tot you will love me as I love you. Now things have became clear.
Our heart just cant match up. You wish me getting a boy who love me? Then did you ever loved me?? Think properly before you wish someone. I never going to wish you that cause I love you till I dont wanna let go. But I will. One day. All the things you said to people, is true I'm. & I'm proud of it,cause, why?? You never see the real me in me. So I dont blame you. If you think you did then I will be slient like now.
Removing everything does not mean it remove all the pain & hurt you giving me. The scar will stay from now till the end of my life. So you can remove everything material from me. But not this,I will still remember for what you have give me & given me. This is not in a bad way, just that you will be like a tatoo to me. Always there.
I dont wanna put you in a bad place,just like others. I put you in the part of where you are part of my growing stage. Something I have to go though to be a better person. No doubt you have open my eyes wider to see this world. I also learn how to see things from your point of view. To you I might not be mature. But I know I have & will be growing in a mature lady one day.
I have cry & I think I will still be in this mood for sometime, due to the knowing of you leaving me just like that. But this I promise you, I will be smile like last time again. The cute little smile I have. But anyhow, things you have it last time will be staying in the past. I'm not sure is who dont have the luck to be with who. But if you ever come back to be friend with me, I will always welcome you with a open heart. If you never want to come back it will be okay with me. I mostly will be dead for you. To ease your pain.
For all this crap of mine,is something I want to let out. If you are hurt by this,I'm happy now. Cause I feel like shit & hurt too. But in future please do forgive me. Cause this is my shit. Sorry.
-RIP-
Memories of Andy Lim & Jesslyn.
22th Aug 2010 - 7th June 2011
With love.
I wouldnt be there long, I have already start packing up the memories of us. Even though,the hard time I have with you which you never & will not know, there is the happy ones which cheers me up. I leave you with only footprint & a scar. I guess this scar will not be deeper than your last one, you dont feel much for me I guess for you to come to this decision. The scar you given me will be the deeper among my others. That is for true.
The love I have for you is insane till I feel that I'm not me. But I guess I'm just not the one who you should love and be with. So I will try to let you go but just your footprint & scars will stay with me. So far I'm seeing you are being better without me,so I'm guessing is a good start for you.
That why from the begining for all this I have told you, I hate FOREVER this words. You told me this words when you asked me to be your girlfriend. I took the word too hard. I tot you will love me as I love you. Now things have became clear.
Our heart just cant match up. You wish me getting a boy who love me? Then did you ever loved me?? Think properly before you wish someone. I never going to wish you that cause I love you till I dont wanna let go. But I will. One day. All the things you said to people, is true I'm. & I'm proud of it,cause, why?? You never see the real me in me. So I dont blame you. If you think you did then I will be slient like now.
Removing everything does not mean it remove all the pain & hurt you giving me. The scar will stay from now till the end of my life. So you can remove everything material from me. But not this,I will still remember for what you have give me & given me. This is not in a bad way, just that you will be like a tatoo to me. Always there.
I dont wanna put you in a bad place,just like others. I put you in the part of where you are part of my growing stage. Something I have to go though to be a better person. No doubt you have open my eyes wider to see this world. I also learn how to see things from your point of view. To you I might not be mature. But I know I have & will be growing in a mature lady one day.
I have cry & I think I will still be in this mood for sometime, due to the knowing of you leaving me just like that. But this I promise you, I will be smile like last time again. The cute little smile I have. But anyhow, things you have it last time will be staying in the past. I'm not sure is who dont have the luck to be with who. But if you ever come back to be friend with me, I will always welcome you with a open heart. If you never want to come back it will be okay with me. I mostly will be dead for you. To ease your pain.
For all this crap of mine,is something I want to let out. If you are hurt by this,I'm happy now. Cause I feel like shit & hurt too. But in future please do forgive me. Cause this is my shit. Sorry.
-RIP-
Memories of Andy Lim & Jesslyn.
22th Aug 2010 - 7th June 2011
With love.
Monday, June 6, 2011
The road
Life come with lots of road for us to chose and move on. We will always be scare of things that is uncertain. So we will chose the road most people take for the sake of feeling safe. Life is hard everyday we have to come to a split road or crossroad.
I guess I have choosen a road that have taken by very few people & I think I took the wrong one. Should not have take this path down the road to get to this end. But I have taken it & yet regret. I'm did not mean to hurt you,cause I took this road just to make things go away. Maybe was the wrong timing I took this road.
I'm sorry that I might have hurt you. I dont wish to hide from you that is why I told you.
The road which I hope I never take now.
I guess I have choosen a road that have taken by very few people & I think I took the wrong one. Should not have take this path down the road to get to this end. But I have taken it & yet regret. I'm did not mean to hurt you,cause I took this road just to make things go away. Maybe was the wrong timing I took this road.
I'm sorry that I might have hurt you. I dont wish to hide from you that is why I told you.
The road which I hope I never take now.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Distant
Distant can count in KM/meter and so ford. Some people are good in distant,they love the freedom they have. Especially for guys, freedom to them is everything. As for girls is never that good if their boyfriend are so far away from them.
Distant for sometime is good,it help in the relationship. It help to see thing much more clear for present & also the future. It also help in building more topic for the couple to talk about.But if they are distant too long things will change. Both of them will change or maybe only one of them will change. The distant of heart have become too far for each other to catch back. If this stage have reach the returning is hard. Most of them will end up with the separation.
A proverb ' Out of sight,out of mind' , related to distant. Not much people will fall under this proverb but as for me, I intend to forget once is too far long gone. Is a bad thing I think. Cause I might lost a friend for this.
Distant for sometime is good,it help in the relationship. It help to see thing much more clear for present & also the future. It also help in building more topic for the couple to talk about.But if they are distant too long things will change. Both of them will change or maybe only one of them will change. The distant of heart have become too far for each other to catch back. If this stage have reach the returning is hard. Most of them will end up with the separation.
A proverb ' Out of sight,out of mind' , related to distant. Not much people will fall under this proverb but as for me, I intend to forget once is too far long gone. Is a bad thing I think. Cause I might lost a friend for this.
Birthday- 28th May
The day where a mother was in her biggest pain,using scearming and shouting to release the pain,there is even tears rolling from her eyes not cause of sadness but the pain. After hours of suffering,all have been break lose when they heard another soft sobbing.
Today, today was the day,a baby,a little daddy & mummy girl was born. Year by year as she grows up,more and more into a lady. As the year goes her parents love never end or die even for a min.
Till the day when she reach her 21th birthday. They know they will have to let her go and create her own world & learn about the world. With heavy hearted knowing their baby girl is all grown up to face the world. They swore to protect her with all they can when she was just a baby. And now they know that they will have to losses the oat that they made.
She know the hardship they been though just to made end meets. She also know how much she mean to them. Even though she reach 21th, but she will always be their little girl that will love them back as much as they have loved her.
Today, today was the day,a baby,a little daddy & mummy girl was born. Year by year as she grows up,more and more into a lady. As the year goes her parents love never end or die even for a min.
Till the day when she reach her 21th birthday. They know they will have to let her go and create her own world & learn about the world. With heavy hearted knowing their baby girl is all grown up to face the world. They swore to protect her with all they can when she was just a baby. And now they know that they will have to losses the oat that they made.
She know the hardship they been though just to made end meets. She also know how much she mean to them. Even though she reach 21th, but she will always be their little girl that will love them back as much as they have loved her.
Quietness - 26th May
Having a heavy hearted not as in saying good bye to anyone. Just the heavy heart of not even talking or moving for today. The sky is cloudy today after a morning shower from above. Maybe this is why I felt heavy maybe my heart was out playing and got itself wet by the weather this morning.
My morning was kinda cranky cause of a last min pop up of dont have a car to use. But it all fade away in awhile. Go on with life. It was quiet during the ride in the car with my baby brother cousin. We dont really talk much cause is morning. It only will be reopen at noon time for the talking. So the office was quiet for the whole morning while I stuck one of the earphone in my ear to distract me from the quietness.
I'm not good with quietness, I will intend to make things noisy but not today. Music and me goes along very well,they always keep me entertain so that I will not feel bored with my jobs.
My morning was kinda cranky cause of a last min pop up of dont have a car to use. But it all fade away in awhile. Go on with life. It was quiet during the ride in the car with my baby brother cousin. We dont really talk much cause is morning. It only will be reopen at noon time for the talking. So the office was quiet for the whole morning while I stuck one of the earphone in my ear to distract me from the quietness.
I'm not good with quietness, I will intend to make things noisy but not today. Music and me goes along very well,they always keep me entertain so that I will not feel bored with my jobs.
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