Last post on 2011! Happy New Year!

Is the end of the year! What have happen,happen for a reason. I have forgiven everything have pass and learn the lesson I have to learn from mistake! So let's start a brand new year!

So been bored up at home with my sis and cousin. We each facing our own lappy instead of counting down. That is so bored! >_<'' Out of fun!

Ever see 3 girls which are afraid of one cockroach?!?! This is what had happen just now. One cockroach have came over to party with us at home! =.='' We have a hell of a party by spraying and screaming like crazy people! =3 It was insane yet funny!! The reaction we give was hilarious!

So even though is my exam month, today is a holiday for everyone. So the same with me. I haven't start any yet,but I will get to that soon! =3

So here wishing world peace and please don't be the end of the world yet. I just started to be alive!! =3

God bless everyone and have a fruity year!! Love ya!

187th Stops.

7 months have pass. He have move on so did I. Things that happen to him, shows his true colour. All his friends said that I'm too good for him. Now I guess is true. To his future wife and girlfriends, all the best! I have got over him. =3

Went paintball on last Sunday 18th Dec. My first paintball, it was fun, but painful! Whole body ache!

So nothing much to update beside the laziness and pain I'm having lately! Beside the bruises there is my wisdom tooth that is killing me from inside! I hardly get to sleep cause of it. ='(

So today went to Pavilion with Xi, I kinda hint her for my next birthday I want a Burberry purse! =) Hope she can manage to save money with other friends to get me one. Haha. But I think is abit hard. So no pressure on that. I will save my money to get it. =3 Maybe she can get me a cheaper one? or maybe a handbag? =) I hope no one give me bears anymore.

On our way back to Time Square there is this guy giving out coupons, well a normal person will just take and keep walking but he stopped us and ask us to sign the coupon so that he have his salary. So well, we stop and open the coupons. Guess what, Xi got a thank you coupon, and I got a super bonus coupon. The 'free gift' sound so tempting! From car to tour to Japan! Well at first the guys said is free! So I was thinking that is sweet! But who knows, well I guess everyone know! There is no free lunch! They need me to sign paper and pay 3600 up front! In order to get my coupon scan! So then only I can get my 'free gift'! =.='' 

The guy keep talking and explaining,he dont even give me chance to think or talk to Xi! I was like so mad. End up I ignore him and talk to Xi, we came to a conclusion saying we give him back the coupon! It feel like a scam! But I not sure is it a scam, anyhow I have decided to skip this 'free gift' where I have to pay 3600 for it. I call my sis and talk about it, the first thing after she hear my story she say 'confirm is a scam! Dont sign anything! Did you sign need paper??!?!' 

That is funny! She got so worry. But I did not do anything. no worries. 

The best part for today are, I got my KL room back. Yeah! But still under cleaning process the previous person was a dirt bag! >.< 

Then there will be the entering of branded shops! It's kinda my first, going in, cause my mami hardly need all this branded stuff, so we dont even need to enter to one. =3 Entering one it feel nice,but when you think of, you dont even have money for it,it kinda sucks!! 

Likewise getting a rich and hardworking husband idea is not bad. Get to get any one you want without looking at the price. Anyhow, after entering and knowing the price it make me feel like some of the things is useless but people still pay thousand of dollar for it. For handbag and purse understandable, but accessories it kinda weird!

In the end! I'm still going to save money and bring it to UK to get my Burberry purse! So to my old purse please hang in there till I get my new purse! =3

186th Stops.

Yeah~ Assignment all done! Now only two more presentation to go then is final time! =.='
My happiness is so short term! WHY?!?!?

*Fast forward*
After final is sem break! & CNY! Woohoo~! Happy again! :)

Cant wait till everything is settle then get to enjoy CNY!

This weekend plan to go shopping with sis! =3

185th Stops.

Going insane with all the assignments.
Almost every night  burning midnight oil just to finish them! ><

So lately all I can think of is my studies (Well,half of it =P ), it is no long as easy as diploma.
That are few standard  have to live in. But I still trying to get there.
Producing something more advance instead of diploma.

Ohya, I got my cert! Officially I'm a diploma holder! =3
So now have to strive for my advance so I get to go UK!

But having some human problem for now.
Disturbing course mate I have.
Not trying to complaint much, but is have became kinda a trouble for others too.
I think not only I'm the who is facing it.
But I really cant stand this fellow. I already got bored talking to him!
Please someone go tell him!

So being single make me kinda slutty, what do that mean??
Is just almost every guy I see and if there is good feeling toward him,
I will be all crazy and insane!
Change guy to guy, of course I know I will not have a huge chances with all those guys.
They are too good to be mine! They deserve better than me. Haha.

Starting to get scare of putting my heart out there.
Already is the 3rd strike, kinda learn my lesson.
Plus it hurt too much from the last one.
Maybe there might not be a guy out there for me.
Maybe I should stop looking.

I'm not sure. About this matter.
I'm telling myself to focus on studies,then maybe career?
Then what?? I'm lost! I'm like a bunny hopping in a circle going no where.
Need some guidance!

Oh,good news! I have already got numb toward him! Good thing right?
Cause I no long need to linger around his FB,thinking of him and feeling guilty!
Can count as I have move on?!?
But there is still fear to open the profile at FB or seeing him posting things.
Whenever I check for update I wish I dont see anything about him!
A little bit more time, I guess.

Okay,time for bed.
Little poppy is enjoy the view from balcony. Looking at late night cars and bike pass by.
She such a cute and messy little thing. =3

184th Stop.

It have been awhile I have an entry. Was too busy with assignment and testes. >_<''
Mostly of my time will be typing and reading the draft of assignment, or studying for test.
Such a hectic life even for a students. =3

So I just went for my convo for my diploma! I have graduated! Yeah!
It was a life experiences, I'm so glad I have this chance to go to this event. =3
Even though I have this event with my junior but it still feel nice.

More assignment deadline to coming, aiks! More to rush!
It is almost end of the first sem, that means final is coming soon!
So much study to be done! Kinda panic for some subject which I suck in.

Update about love life, it will be a mess!
Why?!?! Cause of crap! Really tired of it. A
Maybe not thinking too much will be a good way to solve it.

Small update about Poppy! She is so much bigger now but still in small size way.

Christmas is around the comer! I'm having a lot of Christmas mood now! =3
Hope everyone have a nice holiday and safe December!

183th Stops.

Losing a friends is sure not a nice to go through. Cause you have share so much together and just for a misunderstand that's the end. Well, I'm not sure what to do for the next step. Meow!
To me friends are very important. Cause they are the one who I play with and share things with.
I know sometime or may all the time I'm being a bitch. But sometime is cause you are my friends that why I show how I really feel. I find being a human dont have to always act! Especially when I treat you as a very good friend. I really dont wanna act or lie to you.

Yesterday, I was on the phone for an hour with Aaron, he have confessed his love to this girl but end up it was a sad ending. So he was so emo,and needed to cry yet cant. When talking with him, flash back of my started and make me wanna cry. But I know mine is very long ago. I have to move on. =3 I will be okay.

Yesterday was Kimmy birthday~~!! Her 22nd birthday! Already start to work so the adult hood have started for her. We went to Sunway Sakae for dinner. There is the birthday girl,Xi,Rean,Chia,Remick,Yong An and me. All of a sudden there are this 3 guys who jump out of no where which are our Jr, asking us to share table with them. We was like WTF?!?!? We are full how to share table? But the thick face people still came and sit on the empty spot that was keep for the others. Okay, we good people we let them sit for a while. But end up they die also dont wanna go. So we have to have dinner in a very limited place. Time for bill!! They dont even give any money where we did not invited them! I never see before so thick face people lor.. =.='''

But overall was fun getting to meet up everyone and fun, food and crap!

School?!?! It have been busying like hell!!! I never know that Advance was this hard. I'm trying to put in more effort. If not i will be left out soon! Is like everyone is running but I still breeze walking! >_< So I gotta start to jog d. : )

Wish me luck! =3

182th

Why?!?!
This is the always the thing that pop out.
Is annoying!!

Why,someone who can like you till call everyday just to listen to your voice? But you just entertain people??
Why,that someone hardly find you only when there is a need for you,you can have feel for people like this?
Why,that someone can make it so obvious but you still cant let go?

Why,others can have a life but not you?
Why,other can have such good friend but not you??
Why,other can be happy but not you??

Life not going so well, even though no long working but still have to learn how to see human.
Dont care how good friend also will have a limit,distant. Still have to learn to see other expression.
Life is so complicated! Well why we cant just live with a simple mind?
I'm tired. There's not really a place to pour thought like this.

This week quite alot have happen.
Assignment. Fight with sister over assignment.
Poppy. Pee. Poo.
Get called as lazy suave.
Plan got cancel. Spoil mood. Disappoint.

Well,lets hope to have a better next week?!?
The only thing which can lift my mood up are musics! They never let me down!

Check out~!

181 Stop.

Yay mate~ Beside studying,taking of Poppy. I have been chasing Pirate of the Caribbean. Was so bored that I dont have a thing to do. =.=

So small updates. How's life?? It have been good. Study took up most of my time. Is a good thing though, keep me away from some dark secret thought. Well this 2 week have not yet start too be hectic,but the following week is hard to say cause of the assignment.

180th Stop.

Egad~! Just sat on Poppy poo poo! T^T
She did it on my chair, and I did not notice it when and sat on it.
My pants was dirty by it and I got laugh by sister all. :'(
For her punishment,she get her dinner late!

So my result is not out yet till tomorrow.
Jie one already out but not mine yet,when she got her result but not mine yet.
I was so stress out and my heart beat very fast!
So yet another day to cross my finger for.
*Praying*

179th Stop.

She is starting to be more like me. Is it faith that bring us together?!? =3 who know right.
She is just a cute little adorable doggy,who is very clinging. She just love to sleep on my lap all the time. I have no idea why,but this will be a bad habit,as I know. She also hate to be alone during the night,she will cry till she is tired. So I try to made her as tired as possible during the day so that she can fall asleep during the night.

My day for today.

Wake up at 8am to fed Poppy and make sure she go toilet. Then I went back to sleep,normally I will just stay up and play with her for the whole morning but cause last night I slept at 2 in the morning made me too tired to play with her. So end up i slept till almost 12 in the afternoon. Have my brunch,so is Poppy have her lunch. Swimming around in the net,watch drama. (FYI, I almost out of drama. Due to the long sem break and work break I had) Reading some interesting blog and website keep me busy for a bit but it hurt my back bone cause I have sit there whole day.

I'm still thinking about college,tomorrow is the big day! My result coming out tomorrow! Ahh! What if I never get to continue?? One stupid sub make me so worry! =_=''

Is she a cutie or what? =3

178th Stop.

Almost going to be a week, she is doing good over here I guess. She don't cry that much anymore. =3

Going down to KL soon. But too nervous to know about result.

Never met a guy like him before. After all those thing happen, he can change 360. Talk to people like people owe him. Well, even how. Is no longer my business to take care of. Things happen around and news going round about him,not going to tell him. Hmpt. All I wish him is good luck!

Being very secretive after that happen. Heart have already been frozen up. During the day, is so much more easy to go by with the happy go luck mood. During the night, is the worst, the emo mood come to visit. :'(

Life will be better right?!?! I hope it will be better soon~ =3

Looking forward to a better life. 

Poppy!

Skip work today. Having a very bad headache just now. But went and do some light work out feeling much more better.


So I got a miniature Schnauzer puppy on Monday, 12th of Sept. Was happy at first but end up being sad of the day. I made my mummy cry and sad. She even think that she is being a bad mummy cause we dont listen to her. That is so not true. Cause to me that bad mummy have already being kill by herself since I was 12.


That time I even plan to send off Poppy (that is her new name). It never work cause I feel that I with Poppy have a small bond though is just for few hours. Only when I call her only she will come, other call she just act dumb. Haha. My sister said when a doggy click with the master they eventually they will have some of the master behavior. Seriously I think is true. Like Scruffy, very fierce, like my elder sister. Bailey, very lazy, like Evelyn. Haha.  Poppy,they said is she eat a lot, like me? But in my opinion is she scare lonely,she always need me to be with her. This like me. =3 


Poppy now is going with the potty train. Is very tiring. Cause I have to keep watch her everywhere she go. Going toilet every one hours. making sure she drink water. But when it come to playing. She is the most cute little thing. After playing then is my relaxing time like now. She is sleep on my lap and I get to do some updating.


P/S : Mummy start to accept Poppy. Touching her is a good start. =3
I have to study very hard to keep Poppy in good position. Jia you~

This is how she sleep. =3 

He is a hider. I'm a honester.

All of a sudden grandma got very sick today. Vomiting and not eating much make her dehydrated badly. Just now my aunty and uncle just sent her to hospital to go for dripping.

Thank GOD,Buddha that she is okay. I dont know what will I become if anything happen to her. I cant even think of it. She is the heart and soul for all of us in the family. Her age is catching up with her this is the fact I know. But there is always a hope that she will be healthy and safe always. She is the most important person to me.

I hope she have a long life to see me and guide me through life.

Today he came in to the office to work of course. Seeing him again now. It doesn't hurt as much as it use to be anymore. But the feeling of regret will never fade. Is still there and here. Once in a while it will appear in my head,it actually kills!

Cause of I'm too honest. This happen. I cant change nothing.

He is a hider. I'm a honester.

Lazy suave

This week started to go back to work. > < 

I hardly able to wake up two days straight  I went to work late! Haha!!

Working have nothing much to do. Cause mostly it have done by others.

All I do is clean up the office and doing back up from the past.

I so wanna continue my holiday~

:3 I'm a lazy suave!! 

Family activities on Sunday

Just notice my family activities at Sunday are everyone will stick to one monitor. Dadi with his lappy. Mami with her lappy. Jie Jie with her lappy. Me with mine. Eve with hers. Sher with the plasma TV. The two doggy with their toys.

Life update.

Small update about life. I have been running around town a lot. Due to I finish my last paper, praying hard that I will pass my paper. I'm so lazy to work, I feel like going KL to study. Wanna forget things happen here at Klang, have a brand new start.

Have celebrated 3 friends birthday party. Wei Hong my primary friends birthday,attended the party and also second round. We went over to @live at first it suppose to be at Zouk,but Jay xin's dad said it was too far. So his day went and book @live for us and also order 12 bottle of black label for us.

Then is my bestie Xi Xi, her belated birthday. We have a surprise party for her. :3 She really got a shock see us appear at her house all of sudden. After that, I was suppose to go over to Yee Ling's party. But end up I dont really know her house so she also ask me not to go. So I went for second round at Chatime. :3

Sunday,went to Sunway Giza to uncle prawn to have dinner for Yee ling's birthday. It was like a wedding dinner. :3 cause of?!? There was 10 of us,and we call 8 dish for dinner. Haha.

This are the parties I attend too.

Then most of the time I hang around at home watching Secret Garden! Oh My God.

Hyun Bin is so handsome! I was already in love with since I watched his first drama. My name is Kim Sam Soon! Now he even more handsome!!

This are the small update with my life. :3

Today, I went out with Cory and Fen for Chatime again. Cause I was thirst for milk tea! In the end,my mummy sound me. Asking me to stop going out. =.='' My life will be so bored if never get to go out again!!

Leaf

During the dark,silent, serenade night.

Many deep dark emotion will be arise.

Feeling that should have been forgotten and lost will in merge from the depth of the heart.

Memory will be dug out from the depth ground of the mind.

Sometime during the night,there might be howl sound from wolf and owls or other animal who lure in the night. Yet sometime there will be sobbing sound appear. Sobbing made by human, which are cause by memories that appear in the mind. Misses & things that have been gone. Regrets.

There is no point to this sobbing. As time washes off the memories & pain. This sobbing will come to an end. But once in a while the mind play tricks. Is how it works. To release the things that have been lost.

Listening to the wind blows, leaves swirl as wind carry them around. It will also blow dry the teardrops. As the wind gust toward the faces,it reminds how it feel to be hugged and protected.

Even though it have been gone for sometime,it will be miss cause there is the time where is it always there when you needed. The time have come, it is time to be strong like a tree. Standing tall and strong. No matter what obstacle in ahead,it held high the branch and face it.

When the sky start to darken,cloud rolling in. The bright sunny sky have been cover up. It's time. The time have come to be release & be relieve. For the time have come to let down the guards and be natural again. As the could hitting each other,the wind gust even stronger. There come the first droplet of relieve. It dropped on the highest leaves,the coldness of the droplet have touch the leaf it shiver the tree. The tree start to drop dead leaves,no long in use & dead leaf off the branch. Though is hard to let it go,with all the memories that they have been through. The rain make it easier for them to go their own way,as they added weight to the weightless leaves.

It was the best thing that ever happen to them. The tree no longer in need of the leaves to be attach to it but yet after it have de-attach from it. In someway it will come back. In someway they will meet back. It the law of nature. What goes around come around. Once a glowing,young and up above all leaves,it was the leaf which almost can touch the sky. See everything in first sight of every other leaves, but as time wash by it started to age. As it goes,it was no long young and glowing and no long above,cause there is more younger leaves have grew above it. It became what we call old yet wise. It know the time have arrived,is time for reincarnation. It was de-attached from the branch of the tree. For the first time,it was so light and able to fly and drift slowly to the ground with many other leaves.

Slowly as it reach the ground,many more were stacked above. There is only small view of the tree. As time goes by, there is only darkness. It was consume by the earth. The leave reincarnate into soil and in come back to the roots of the tree. Supplying material that is need for the tree to grow bigger and strong to face the world.

As everyone have their memories,as time goes,it help us grow being a better person.

Every once in a while there come this big and heavy rain to wash away our pain.

After all the pain have been wash away,there comes the rainbow.

Making you believe there is still hope and miracle awaiting in your future.

Held your head high. Live to the fullness. One day,be old and wise!

Thinks

So everyone have something that they will give up everything for that one thing.

So what is your that special thing?

Family? Love? Travel? Friends? Bears?

Hmm... think think.... figure about this questions maybe it helps.

New York City & England is the place I always wanted to go!

So I will wanna save money for that. Go pop out my eyes.

Just so envy people who can travel so many place a year.

With the time & money they have.

Today. Half day have been done.

For the coming day what is the plan?!?!

Plans

So no longer a working person, sticking at home watching Ugly Betty marathon. Hahaha..

What I always learn from ugly betty is being positive & never give up. Life is a bitch I can say or more can say. Haha..

So lets change it on your own hands.

I get this saying from one of the friend : ' Feeling is your's, no one can feel it for you or you can take out your feeling to put it someone else.'

So this imply to life too.

Life is your's no one can life it for you,they only can be along side with you.

So lets make plan for this month.

Money will be pouring like rain!!

Hehe... Tu tu~

Body Pain.

Ahhh~~ My head are like crap!!!

Then my back bone are also killing me!!!

T^T What is wrong with me!!!

Life

Gahh.. Life is not fun at all. Kinda sick & tired of it.

Protected

Listening to sad/healing song.

It help in expressing how I feel.

Spare tyre there is one but I wish I can treat him different.

But I cant feel love around me anymore.

Is like I'm not having any love in me.

Everything is so numb.

Just now start saving all the picture I have .

All this will be just memory.

So I wanna keep in a file like in a computer, save it.

For now I will place it deep in my head somewhere dark yet untouchable.

Till I can live,survive with it. Till then I will let my guard down.

Pain!!

The harder I laugh the more pain I have in inside.

I dont wish to let anyone know my pain,so end up I laugh.

My heart & mind are like crap!!

They really like shit,non stop thinking back.

There are few ways for me to distract myself.

Drama,work,and so far a 19 year old boy.

Everyday only hanging at FB to see his update.

Arhh.. I'm a pathetic idiotic girl!

Save me someone!! T^T

Dilemma!

Dilemma!

Whenever I'm driving home from work,my mind will fly away. Really AWAY.

So it came back to dilemma again.

Love? Miss? Hate?

Mouth saying can forget. Yet, the mind have flash back here and there. & the

worst is heart are heavy to put it down.

Came out with an idea, putting everything in a box and hiding it in deep in my mind.

Found out that the person grow in you from the deep, every little thing they do or said by that person will either kill you by what that they do & what they said.

One more fly away moment is during my shower.

Thinking in crap all of a sudden I remember I have to go for my X-ray tomorrow!

CRAP!

I'm scare!! Operation coming soon! T^T

In a month time, I will be free from my working life!

I will be free for a month, but still have to go for part time & study in next month!!

Breaking free!!

I wanna go holiday,club & beach!!

Everything end now!

Gahh~! I'm so tired. Tired of thing that I found out. To me now is no longer important. Everything I get to know now are much crap and a big liar you are.

You make it easy for me now. To stop all this goodness of mine wasted on you. So I will stop. You dont deserve to be happy in my thinking. Cause you hurt too much people around you.

So I have have come to the point of giving up. To save myself the heartache. du~~~~~ *heart is dead*

I have resign from my job. This is another too stressful thing for me. My high blood pressure went up again. = = I wanna go back to study. I wanna go somewhere far. No more staying here running circle.

Lately

Already a week. I told myself I gotta stop talking about it d. I try. But once I have nothing much to do and there is no one to talk to me. His image will appear. My heart still will be pounding up and down for just image. Today, I have told myself gotta stop. End up it is even worst. He came to the office!!

I only get to peak at him through the window. Is good enough to know he is doing good with what he is doing. Everyone told me he is not worth it. I understand he really dont worth my love anymore. But I'm still not yet ready to forget everything just like that. Wanna say I being clinging or what so ever. Is just that I'm have a very heavy heart to leave everything in the past yet.

Mami,lecture me last night. Saying he already treat me like dirty but I still treat him like a god. That is wrong. I really do understand what she is telling me.

But everything is really up to me I guess. If I give up,all this I guess will be a past & does not mean anything anymore. But if I dont give up, I will end up with this clinging,moody bitch!
ARGHH~~

Lately. Actually not that lately. It have been awhile that I not sure on what to do with my life.
I have lost of direction. I'm not sure why I'm here anymore. I just holding on to that I dont want my family get worry.

I hate this feeling of being this lost & keep wishing the world end faster.

Rest In Peace!

It has been day 3 without you around me. No doubt it is hard to forget you had even come into my life. But I have to forget you,to save myself some pride and ease myself some pain. I have to stand back up fast,people all around got worry for me. As I see you,there is not pain in you. I guess is a good thing. But for me this is just me. I will lay there not moving so I wouldnt feel the pain.

I wouldnt be there long, I have already start packing up the memories of us. Even though,the hard time I have with you which you never & will not know, there is the happy ones which cheers me up. I leave you with only footprint & a scar. I guess this scar will not be deeper than your last one, you dont feel much for me I guess for you to come to this decision. The scar you given me will be the deeper among my others. That is for true.

The love I have for you is insane till I feel that I'm not me. But I guess I'm just not the one who you should love and be with. So I will try to let you go but just your footprint & scars will stay with me. So far I'm seeing you are being better without me,so I'm guessing is a good start for you.

That why from the begining for all this I have told you, I hate FOREVER this words. You told me this words when you asked me to be your girlfriend. I took the word too hard. I tot you will love me as I love you. Now things have became clear.

Our heart just cant match up. You wish me getting a boy who love me? Then did you ever loved me?? Think properly before you wish someone. I never going to wish you that cause I love you till I dont wanna let go. But I will. One day. All the things you said to people, is true I'm. & I'm proud of it,cause, why?? You never see the real me in me. So I dont blame you. If you think you did then I will be slient like now.

Removing everything does not mean it remove all the pain & hurt you giving me. The scar will stay from now till the end of my life. So you can remove everything material from me. But not this,I will still remember for what you have give me & given me. This is not in a bad way, just that you will be like a tatoo to me. Always there.

I dont wanna put you in a bad place,just like others. I put you in the part of where you are part of my growing stage. Something I have to go though to be a better person. No doubt you have open my eyes wider to see this world. I also learn how to see things from your point of view. To you I might not be mature. But I know I have & will be growing in a mature lady one day.

I have cry & I think I will still be in this mood for sometime, due to the knowing of you leaving me just like that. But this I promise you, I will be smile like last time again. The cute little smile I have. But anyhow, things you have it last time will be staying in the past. I'm not sure is who dont have the luck to be with who. But if you ever come back to be friend with me, I will always welcome you with a open heart. If you never want to come back it will be okay with me. I mostly will be dead for you. To ease your pain.

For all this crap of mine,is something I want to let out. If you are hurt by this,I'm happy now. Cause I feel like shit & hurt too. But in future please do forgive me. Cause this is my shit. Sorry.

-RIP-
Memories of Andy Lim & Jesslyn.
22th Aug 2010 - 7th June 2011
With love.

The road

Life come with lots of road for us to chose and move on. We will always be scare of things that is uncertain. So we will chose the road most people take for the sake of feeling safe. Life is hard everyday we have to come to a split road or crossroad.

I guess I have choosen a road that have taken by very few people & I think I took the wrong one. Should not have take this path down the road to get to this end. But I have taken it & yet regret. I'm did not mean to hurt you,cause I took this road just to make things go away. Maybe was the wrong timing I took this road.

I'm sorry that I might have hurt you. I dont wish to hide from you that is why I told you.

The road which I hope I never take now.

Distant

Distant can count in KM/meter and so ford. Some people are good in distant,they love the freedom they have. Especially for guys, freedom to them is everything. As for girls is never that good if their boyfriend are so far away from them.

Distant for sometime is good,it help in the relationship. It help to see thing much more clear for present & also the future. It also help in building more topic for the couple to talk about.But if they are distant too long things will change. Both of them will change or maybe only one of them will change. The distant of heart have become too far for each other to catch back. If this stage have reach the returning is hard. Most of them will end up with the separation.

A proverb ' Out of sight,out of mind' , related to distant. Not much people will fall under this proverb but as for me, I intend to forget once is too far long gone. Is a bad thing I think. Cause I might lost a friend for this.

Birthday- 28th May

The day where a mother was in her biggest pain,using scearming and shouting to release the pain,there is even tears rolling from her eyes not cause of sadness but the pain. After hours of suffering,all have been break lose when they heard another soft sobbing.

Today, today was the day,a baby,a little daddy & mummy girl was born. Year by year as she grows up,more and more into a lady. As the year goes her parents love never end or die even for a min.

Till the day when she reach her 21th birthday. They know they will have to let her go and create her own world & learn about the world. With heavy hearted knowing their baby girl is all grown up to face the world. They swore to protect her with all they can when she was just a baby. And now they know that they will have to losses the oat that they made.

She know the hardship they been though just to made end meets. She also know how much she mean to them. Even though she reach 21th, but she will always be their little girl that will love them back as much as they have loved her.

Quietness - 26th May

Having a heavy hearted not as in saying good bye to anyone. Just the heavy heart of not even talking or moving for today. The sky is cloudy today after a morning shower from above. Maybe this is why I felt heavy maybe my heart was out playing and got itself wet by the weather this morning.

My morning was kinda cranky cause of a last min pop up of dont have a car to use. But it all fade away in awhile. Go on with life. It was quiet during the ride in the car with my baby brother cousin. We dont really talk much cause is morning. It only will be reopen at noon time for the talking. So the office was quiet for the whole morning while I stuck one of the earphone in my ear to distract me from the quietness.

I'm not good with quietness, I will intend to make things noisy but not today. Music and me goes along very well,they always keep me entertain so that I will not feel bored with my jobs.

Ocean

As the sky sync with the ocean everything look so blue & calm. The speed boat cut through the ocean wave swiftly as the wind flow in hitting on each of the passenger face. Everone head held high to enjoy the sea breeze. Yet for me, I enjoy the the view surrounded us. Everything that matter in the real world seem nothing matter anymore. See the green green tress,with the blue blue ocean water.

As I tint my head,there he was. Seeing his back facing me,just by looking at his back it make me feel safe & happy knowing he is always with me. Someone to lay on whenever I need him. He always make me feel like hiding under his arm,near to his big broad chest.But in the end I have chose to closing my eyes to feel the nature, it make things so much more easy & less complicated,cause things just goes with our heart lead us.

push through

so have cry and told dear about it have that day. during that night he got so mad cause i called after his basketball,is was a no no to call him after that cause he said before but i was so down i really wanna talk to him. but after telling i cry in the office his tone go different his become soft and wanna understand why im so sad. so we talk crap and abit of real feel. we hang on the phone till 1a,the next day was so freaking sleepy!! he went on half mc. hehehe. i feel bad cause of me he have not even sleep. :p

he ask me to go movie last night but it was cancel end up i rush all my way to JJ to sing k and celebrate mic birthday. have fun with him cause maybe just nice we both are in very good mood ba. i even get pamper abit from him indircetly.

after that we got into a small non yelling type of fight cause of him keep saying i dont trust him by right i did not even say something like this. so talk about and understand it. i gotta remember it by heart so that i will not reply the same mistake.

real feeling & thoughts

So it have been awhile I did not posted anything on my blog.
I have been lazy.

But lately things happen which I dont know what I'm suppose to do.
At first I got him angry cause of stupid things I said to him,which he was just being sweet giving me surprise by coming over my house to be with me.

But today, I brust out in the office. For the first time is about my personally stuff.
I done this crying thing in office before but is cause due to work.
But this time was not. obviously not.

I'm trying my best to change myself so that I could fit him also to be a better person.
But is hard,very hard. Till I kinda giving up.
I doing this for us,but I'm not sure does he even know or see about it.
I kinda dont believe myself I can be this way.

If last for me I dont even give a damn about it,I will say whatever I want to say.
But now I'm worry that he might not like it or even hate me for saying so.
So end up there is alot of stuff I would not dare to even tell him about.
Caus all I'm worry about is how he think of me & dump me.
I fall too hard this time. Till I'm scare that I get hurt like the past few time so I'm willing to do anything to make him stay. Sometime I even feel I have lost myself,just to please him.

It is no longer like last time when we first meet,we get to talk about anything & joking about stuff.
Now all I get is,can you not be like this. is inmature or childish.
i'm this girl right,playful,childish & crazy emo girl.
and all i can be now is always think serious think mature i cant be pamper.
actually i hate it. i love being pamper. i have been pamper for my whole life is what i live for.
i know i cant be pamper always or by anyone. i just need some from you just to know that hey,i love you that why i'm doing so.

your wall is getting harder to climb,is like the harder i become the higher it goes.
what is the use of having a gf which you dont tell things too?
what is the use of having a gf which you only share the angry & hate you have??
i wanna have a heart to heart talk to you.
i wanna let you know the real me instead of the becoming your wanna be gf.

i might look strong always.
but inside once in awhile i need a shoulder to cry on & just shut up listen to me & will tell everything is going to be okay.
not that when i trying to tell you something you will always end up saying i think too much or ddly too much or even being childish.
i hate this word!! at least please try to understand what i'm saying till you tell me this.
we have different life is for sure,but i love you that is why i'm making effort to understand you & change.

i know the feeling of being hurt. it really hurt & suck.
which i never wan to go through.
i really hoping that we can be each other last ones.
but i'm not sure what are your thoughts. (wishing it is thinking the same)

after all this crap i have write , one thing that i can be sure is i really love you.
like no others.
all i wan is just be with you.

Happy New Year~

So first of all i would love to wish everyone in the world a very happy new year for 2011.

Hope it bring lotsa of bliss to everyone.

So what is the up coming plan for this year.

First of all,getting back to my peeps,something that I'm trying to do.

Then will be try to get better in my job & learn as much as I can with less complaint.

Hee-hee...